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<title>The Cries in her Memories by Cookies_and_Chaos</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155054">The Cries in her Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookies_and_Chaos/pseuds/Cookies_and_Chaos'>Cookies_and_Chaos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rizzoli &amp; Isles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Grief, Nightmares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:34:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>388</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookies_and_Chaos/pseuds/Cookies_and_Chaos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane remembers all their names but sometimes she really wishes she didn't. Written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020, Day 3, "Three Alerting Cries".</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Cries in her Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first, Jane remembered all the names of the people she was too late to save. Whenever they crept into her nightmares, whenever they nudged at the back of her waking mind, whenever something reminded her of the moment...</p><p>Now, it's not that she's forgotten them, not at all. If she sat down and took a breath, their names and stories would come rushing back in a whirlwind so overwhelming that it would make her feel like she was drowning. It's for that reason that she doesn't stop and take a breath. If she lets herself start sink, she's not sure anyone will be able to pull her back out from underneath the grief.</p><p>Maura doesn't agree. Which isn't all that surprising. Jane's sure Maura's right and it would be much healthier for her to find someone to talk to or at least some kind of therapeutic output, but something about it still feels like opening a door to a darkness that Jane just isn't ready to touch. It didn't matter that it wasn't just talking about your feelings anymore and that there was therapy that went alongside art or boxing or running or who knows what else. It wasn't the talking on its own that was the problem. Jane could talk. She could talk just fine to Maura and (usually) Korsak and (sometimes) Ma and Frankie. Talking wasn't the problem.</p><p>Okay, talking to strangers was a little bit of a problem. But it wasn't the <em>main</em> problem.</p><p>The problem was each cry she heard, conjured up by her mind, was a cold reminder of a life lost, birthdays never reached, dreams never fulfilled, and loved ones' lives forever darkened by the pain of loss. It doesn't matter whether any of that is Jane's fault or not because every single one comes with hours of overthinking, wondering if she could have done something different to stop any of that happening.</p><p>The problem was she suspected the answer to that, most of the time, was no.</p><p>The problem was the hopelessness, the fact that even if she had given everything she had, there was usually nothing she could have done.</p><p>The problem was all of that meant it was going to happen again and again until one day there might really be too many names for her to remember.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want to join in the 12 Days Challenge check it out here: <a href="https://12dayschristmas.dreamwidth.org/">12 Days of Christmas Challenge Link</a> or go to the collection.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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